Last Friday, when I first got the news that a friend of mine passed away, I felt like perhaps I was going to be a bit alienated from the whole grief process; he and I had never been extremely close and to be honest, we hadn't spoken in three years or so. I'm not quite sure why I thought that would exempt me from the hurt of this situation.
We might not have been bffs or anything, but we still have memories together. Most of all, I have known his family for the same 10 or so years and have a great deal of love and respect for them, specifically his parents. Since I moved home a year ago, they have offered unexplainable amounts of support and love. That's where the vast majority of my grief has been directed: my heart breaks for these parents who have had to experience the kind of tragedy no one should.
Addiction took my friend away. Made him into a person he didn't even realize he was. Addiction has brought a whole world of hurt down on people who never could have deserved it. Brought scars into the memories, jaded us all forever.
In the last day or so, I find that my grief is moving towards deep sadness for the girlfriend he left behind. In my mind, I keep putting myself in her place and can't keep from crying every time. I know how very much I love Grady, how wonderful everything is in our little world, how we love to talk of things yet to come; they had a past, a present, and plans for a future, but none of those dreams and expectations will ever be fulfilled.
The Lord is sovereign. The Lord is sovereign...
2 comments:
Oh honey! I love you! I too find myself grieving over this and can't say I was close at all. I know bro is quite affected and that is what hurts me. I am afraid for the secret lives of friends and family in my life. I only hope that God uses this greatly. I also find it interesting how our own lives impact how we feel grief. By this I mean, I also am realizing my grief for the parents because of my own role as a parent and cannot imagine that kind of pain. There is never a time where your child will be "safe" or "ok"...you will ALWAYS worry about them and try to shepherd them. Anyway, I love you and am praying for you along with everyone else affected.
Thank you Cari so much. It's funny how just a few days can really change you. That memorial service completely turned me upside down; it was beautiful and comforting for all. I don't know that I have ever cried so hard, laughed so hard, and I certainly know that I've never done both at the same time quite like I did on Thursday. I appreciate your comfort and I'll be praying for your grief along, your brother definitely, and everyone else as well. I love you Cari.
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